To tenacity and furry beasts

Carl and I have an ongoing battle with squirrels.  On principle we think that bird seed should be for BIRDS.  I suppose squirrels can't read the label on the bag, so perhaps we should forgive them for snacking on food intended for creatures with feathers instead of fur, nevertheless we find them annoying since as long as they are perched on the feeder, birds stay away.

Last fall I hung a suet feeder on a shepherd's hook, just outside the window where I can watch the birds from my desk.  Birds love suet.  As do grey furry beasts.  We tried greasing the pole.  That would work two times before having to reapply, since squirrel bellies wipe off the pole nicely, and after a bath, they were snacking happily.  So I began a game of waiting until just the right moment to pull open the window to scare off whichever of the four squirrels that hang around our yard happened to be feasting at the moment.  There is something perverse in me that enjoys watching squirrels fly.  To their credit, or their Creator's. they always land on their feet.  I hope the neighbors didn't see the crazy lady yanking up the window and hear her evil snicker.

For Christmas, Carl gave me a squirrel proof feeder.  [Insert snort]  When a squirrel hangs on the feeder, its weight pulls down a metal cage, covering the feed openings.  For the most part, the feeder has lived up to its name, however one lucky fellow managed to hang in just the right way from the pole, forcing down the cage to expose the cap where we add seed, figured out how to pull it off with his tiny teeth, and would have had his head inside the feeder if I hadn't opened the window and hollered at him.

I like to think I am smarter than the average thieving yard rat.   While greasing a pan for baking it occurred to me to use a bit of Crisco on top of the feeder, then sprinkle on some chili powder.  That was good for a few laughs, observing the wrinkled noses of the squirrels when they inhaled the first time.  And returned again and again, hoping it was gone, only to dart away in disappointment.  Well, apparently they invited a distant Mexican cousin to come for a visit, who as you can see above, enjoyed licking the top clean.

Foiled again.

I really do like squirrels.  They always appear to be in a good mood, chasing each other around, up and down trees, chattering, and eating.  Not a bad life, if you don't count having to avoid traffic in order to stay alive in a village.  And squirrels are very persistent, an admirable trait.  To them I dedicate some verse:

Proverbs 6:6-11 RRV*

Go to the squirrel, thou grumpus,
consider his ways and be happy.
Which, having no guide, analyst or cheerleader
Provideth entertainment in the summer
and gathereth nuts and stakes out the birdseed to harvest.
How long wilt though fight the inevitable, O grumpus?
When wilt thou admit defeat?
Yet a little suet, a little seed,
A little climbing of the pole to dine.
So shall thy feeder empty as if dumped over,
and thy tactics be foiled once more.


*Revised Rectorina Version